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November 14, 2013
Really?  Is there ANYONE LEFT on the planet NOT blowing leaves right now??

Really? Is there ANYONE LEFT on the planet NOT blowing leaves right now??

I work, therefore I am forced to get up in a timely manner and go to the office Monday thru Friday.  However, on Saturday and Sunday, I absolutely love to sleep in.  I am even taking the risk (of going to hell) by not going to church every Sunday so I can sleep in.  My neighbors across the street had early Saturday lawn service  – and the first time I was awakened by the leaf blowers –  I just opened my curtains and stood there staring at them ala “Carrie” hoping they would become alarmed and stop.  They did not.  But, I do think they were semi-amused at the lunatic woman in the Hello-Kitty nightie staring at them covered in pigs blood.  (Just kidding!  It was cow’s blood.)  The next day I went over to their house and nicely asked my neighbor  to change their lawn day to a weekday – which they nicely did.

No leaf blowers.  People did not call me before 10am and after 10pm.  I got good solid rest.  For a few years.

Then my children got to be young adults with questionable decision-making skills.  And my parents and in-laws got to be eccentric idiots charming old people.  Sleep did not come as easily to me as it once did.  If the phone rang too early in the morning or too late at night, I answered the phone with a franatic:  “WHO DIED??”  Usually it was my mom: “Oh crap.  What time is it?  I woke you up didn’t I??”  (Too early call.) Or my kids: “Hey mom.  I lost my keys.”  (Too late call.)  These types of calls have tapered off a bit since my children have become a bit more responsible – and my parent’s and in-laws have smartphones that they are not smart enough to use.  I still jump when the phone rings at weird hours, but it happens less often.

Now my sleep issues have to do with what is going on with my menopausal body.  Women complaining about hot flashes have boringly over-shared on blogs for quite some time so I won’t be redundant.  But, what I will say is that they are


and they


The next thing that has been happening is an interruption in my sleep patterns.  I used to be able to take a tiny “bite” of a Unisom over-the-counter pill and it would stop my racing brain just long enough to pass out – but not make me feel groggy when I got up in the morning.  What began happening recently, though, is I would be able to go to sleep at night – but suddenly at around 3am – 5am I would be wide awake and not be able to go back to sleep for a couple of hours.  Then I would go into a deep sleep until I had to get up for work.  That made me crabby.  A couple of weeks ago I was tossing and turning in bed for my 2-hour wake-up session and I woke up my husband by accident.  I complained to him that this not-sleeping-in-the-middle-of-the-night-shit was pissing me off.  He told me rather than lying there being pissed off, that I should “make myself useful.”  So, I got up and did a load of laundry.  ‘Not sure that is exactly what he had in mind.

What kinda fresh hell is this??

What kinda fresh hell is this??

I asked friends about this disturbing phenomenon and they told me to start taking Melatonin.  I have been taking it for about a week so far and I think it’s working!  Not perfectly, but better than before I started taking it.  Now what is happening to interrupt my sleep is I am getting texts from people too early!  Sometimes it’s friends who have young children at home (I assume their thought process goes something like: “If I am going to be awake and miserable – all the rest of you will be awake and miserable with me.”)  But sometimes it is surveys for upgrades on phones, internet service – or whatever I have bought or changed in the last few days preceeding the survey.  The texts are sent promptly at 9AM on Saturday mornings.  They go something like: “Hi!  Thanks for visiting your local AT&T store!  On a scale of 1 to 10, How likely are you to recommend AT&T to a friend or family member?”  My return text goes something like:  “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!   STOP TEXTING PEOPLE BEFORE THEY WANT TO WAKE UP ON SATURDAY MORNINGS, YOU MORON!!!”  Now I realize that there is not some little AT&T elf sitting there patiently texting me – and no one probably reads my answer.  But, I am simple-minded and it makes me feel better.  (Hey –  I like to get my little imagined victories where ever I can.)

In order to stop some of these interruptions to my sleep, I have begun to take Melatonin.  I have raised my kids.  I got my parents phones they can’t use.  I scared my neighbors into changing their lawn days.  I muted my phone for texts (and was crabby to phone-survey elves.)  I am dancing with the devil by sleeping through church.  I essentially have done everything I can do to get some sleep.

Now if I can just get my husband to quit asking me to do laundry in the middle of the night….



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