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Don’t Forget to Take Your Meds!!

September 2, 2013

I love meds.   I used to careen crazily through my life – like one of those men who pick up wood pallets -and stack them up so high on their piece-of-shit pickups  – that they look as if they will tip over (while speeding through the neighborhood trying to find the pallets before the other insane guy with his piece-of-shit pickup does.)

My brain (without meds) thinks this is a good idea!

My brain (without meds) thinks this is a good idea!

Then I got put on meds.  Once I finally was on the right meds, the effect was almost instantaneous.  Instead of going zero-to-sixty when one of my children spilled some milk, I went zero-to-twenty.  Much more manageable – and more importantly: NORMAL.  I knew that I wasn’t normal before – and actually that is not something that I normally (pun intended) prescribe to – but when it came to regulating my feelings, feeling what I perceived as normal was so refreshing!

My journey to the correct concoction of meds was like a chef trying to create the perfect recipe:  One pinch of this, one dash of that, and let’s try two shakes of that.  Then he tried it and it tasted like shit.  Back to the kitchen to begin again.  Three shakes of that, 4 pinches of this and oh let’s try some a that too.  OMG, worse than before.  This would be all OK if it was let’s say… a cake or something.  But… it was my brain we were tinkering with and one can’t just toss it in the garbage and start from scratch.  There were scary highs and lows and everything in between.   I never really understood WHY my prescribers couldn’t just put me on something and have it work like aspirin or a sleeping pill did, but they said things like: “The brain is not an exact science,” and “Everyone responds a bit differently.”   Hmmm.  Not super comforting, but it did keep me coming back for more human guinea pig sessions; ‘cause hell, ya never know – the next cocktail could be thee-one.

So one day, I realized that I was feeling good.  In control.  Dare I say….  HAPPY???   (Nah, let’s not go crazy here – but I did feel pretty satisfied with life.)  I was so worried that I would not be funny anymore.  I was thinking that I would be like a drugged-up zombie and I would lose my wacky spontaneity.  But I didn’t.  I enjoyed things just as I did before – I just felt more stable and grounded.  My girlfriends noticed that I was doing well on my new meds and wanted to know what I was taking.  “Well, I said, sounding confident pointing to my pills, “this one makes me NOT want to kill people….  and this one makes me NOT feel bad for needing to take meds so I don’t want to kill people.”  They all nodded in complete understandment.  (Feel free to use that word I just made up.  It means that they totally understood, agreed, comprehended, and got-it in a Sisterhood-of-the-Traveling-Crazy-Big-Girl-Underpants kinda way.)

zoloft

Smile if you’re on drugs!!!

Since then, some of them have tried meds – and others not – but all of us are no longer embarrassed of talking about meds like we once were.  There are still people who judge and think that meds are poison (Tom Cruise – are you listening you bat-shit crazy zealot??)  and some people still feel that there is a stigma attached to those who take meds.  But from someone who takes them – and lives a better life because her personal chemistry is now in perfect balance – I don’t give a crap.  (Note: I would have used “shit” instead of “crap” but I have used “shit” 3 times already in this blog.  Shit.  I used it again.)

So if someone you know is on meds – or perhaps should be on meds – don’t judge them or make them feel badly about trying to feel the best they can.  Meds have helped me tolerate/ignore people that used to bother me.  I now can let the little things go – and not get overly-worked up over larger things that I cannot change. Oh — AND I don’t swear as much!!

Ok, that last part was a lie, but I think about not-swearing as much… and really, that’s almost the same thing.

:b

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One Comment
  1. Becky Harding permalink

    I just adore you. You’re so funny. Becky H.

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