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I (want to) See Dead People

April 30, 2013

I have been doing my blog for a few months now and I feel like you all know me well enough that I may begin sharing some of the more intimate details of my life.

BWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! WHO am I kidding?! I share absolutely everything in my life because I have no boundaries, and I am the Mayor of Inappropriatenessville.  So, let’s talk about one of my more interesting hobbies: Dead People.

I have always had a soft-spot for dead people. My mother told me that when I was young I would read the newspaper obituaries and tell her that I was so mad that they did not tell me how the people died.  After quickly hiding all the knives…  my mom took away the newspapers and didn’t let me read the obits anymore.  But it was too late – I was already hooked.   Little did I know that there were tons of other morbid children out there thinking the same things I was.  Now that we have all grown up into morbid adults, the internet has allowed us to find each other and connect like one seriously dysfunctional family.  (Think: The Munsters, or The Kardashians.  Scratch that.  The Kardashians are waaaaaaaaay more dysfunctional.)

Anyway, there is a huge passel of people out there that are interested in all things related to Famous Dead People.  There are books and tours and websites and message boards and all kinds of ways that people talk about Famous Dead People.  According to Scott Michael’s Site: findadeath.com, these people are called DEATH HAGS and they are kinda like dead celebrity groupies.  (Gee, I can almost imagine the conversation going like this: MOM: What do you want to be when you grow up honey?  KID: Oh, I think I would like to be a Dead Celebrity Groupie.  MOM: Wow. I’m so proud.)

What Cemetery Groupies look like when they grow-up.

What Cemetery Groupies look like when they grow-up.

Although I do not wish misfortune on celebrities, I am fascinated by their demiseses. (Demise, demisesess, de-mi. Whatever.) I like to read books and research websites and find out who, when, and how the famous have died.  My mind is so full of this significant useless knowledge, that in spite of my family and friends repeatedly telling me that I really don’t need to share my amazing factual tidbits – I can’t help but enlighten them, ’cause I’m just all about helping people!  I call this teaching people, but my mean husband calls it “Informing Them Against Their Will”.  (My husband’s hobby is making fun of me.  He’s good at it.)

To clarify what I do with my unusual knowledge, it sort of goes like this:  We will be watching an old movie –  and as the actors make their entrances – I will tell everyone watching how that particular actor died in real-life.  (Yep, that’s what I do.)  For a few years, they just looked at me horrified that I even knew that stuff.  Then, there was eye-rolling phase and they started to do the Debbie Downer  “Wah-Waaaah” noise to me.  Now, they actually call me to settle bets, tell their friends how a particular celebrity died – or to get answers to win trivia games.  (Who’s the weirdo now??  Still me, huh?)

Wah - Waaaaaaaah.

Wah – Waaaaaaaah.

So the next time you are at a friends house watching an old movie from the 1940’s and they tell you that the character actress playing the hotel clerk took an overdose of pills at age 23 when her boyfriend broke up with her, you can whisper to them “Are you a Death Hag?”  – or just run from the room screaming.

Either reaction is completely appropriate.  (Like I would know what is appropriate.)

:b

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2 Comments
  1. jfallen permalink

    Jeez I am always spouting off boring factoids to everyone while watching movies and TV but I completely missed this opportunity..! Who cares if an actress once starred in a dog food commercial when she was 7… now I need to know if and how she died, and most importantly, if was in a properly sensational fashion (heart attack while sleeping? snooze… 😉 Great post… thanks!!!

  2. Will williams permalink

    You are very talented!!!! Hahahah. Loved thus!

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