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Let’s Talk About Jesus

November 17, 2012

So I kinda have weird taste when it comes to interior decorating.  I call it: Eclectic Psychotic Chic.    I have a 3′ long antique Merman hanging from the ceiling and a old 3′ green alligator on another wall.  There is the “Retro Lounge” complete with 1960’s art, groovy lamps, and a large gold sunburst clock over the fireplace mantle.  I have a wall-eyed stuffed antelope head keeping watch over the living room – and an aarvark’s head watches people use the bathroom.  Let’s just say that my house will not be featured in Architectural Digest anytime soon. Luckily, everyone in my family indulges my whims and doesn’t try and reign me in too much.  In fact, the only area of the house that has caused any friction at all is the entry way.  I call it my “Shrine of Terribly Tacky Jesuses.”  My kids call it “Terribly Embarrassing.”

No, God Bless YOU!!

People think of Jesus in many different ways. Some folks envision the old-school bearded benevolent-looking Jesus.  Ricky-Bobby prays to “Dear Eight Pound, Six Ounce, Newborn Baby Jesus.”  Others think of Jesus as the world and the universe in general – or their “higher power.”  My elderly neighbor thinks of Jesus as her yard maintenance worker.  MY personal Jesus is the gory Catholic version with blood pouring out of his heart, or the Jesus floating above a glittery cottage snow-scene, or the Jesus painted in neon on a sparkley foil mirror.   I absolutely ADORE awful art Jesuses.  Most of these Jesuses were manufactured in the 1940’s and 1950’s in Mexico.  (No one does tacky like Mexico.  No.  One.  And if you disagree with me, please watch a Spanish-speaking game show or soap opera.  You will see what I mean within the first 2 minutes.)  My entry way features all these Jesuses and more!

Here is where the Jesuses cause my kids embarrasment.  When someone comes over to our house  they are immediately assaulted by many awful tacky Jesuses – but– they are Jesuses, after all, so people don’t know how to respond – no doubt not wanting to offend anyone.  If it is a friend of my kids, they usually ask “What’s up with all these Jesuses?  Is your mom super religious or something?”  My kids answer, “No.  She’s just weird,” and escape to their own rooms.  If it is the parent of one of their friends, after hesitantly scanning the Jesus Shrine, they usually do one one of two things: A)  Ignore the Jesuses and ask how I am doing, or B) Exclaim:  “Wow!  I had no idea you were so  religious!”  (Like I said – they are super tacky, but they are, in fact, Jesuses, and people are so afraid of being polically incorrect that they never actually say what they are thinking.  I imagine they are thinking something like “WTF???  Where is my kid so I can get them out of here pronto,” or “I knew she was strange but religious zealot never crossed my mind.”)

I loves me some Jesuses!

When strangers come to our door, my tacky Jesuses are actually helpful.  Mormons? Jehovah Witnesses?  They usually can’t get out of my foyer fast enough.  People who want me to donate to political causes or sign a petition?  I just tell them my religion won’t allow it and they don’t argue at all.  Over time, though, what I realize is that the folks who either appreciate – or find the humor – in my decorating choices, especially my Jesuses, are the folks I want to see my 1909 pin-head Billiken bookends, or my Ladies 2nd Place bowling trophy from 1953, or my picture frames made from folded cigarette wrappers crafted by a man in prision in the 1940’s.  All those other judgmental people who don’t see how cool my stuff is can continue to shop at Ikea or Lazy-Boy until their head-explodes.  At least that is what I will pray to my Jesuses for.  :b


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One Comment
  1. Anonymous permalink

    Girl…………you just crack me up!!!!!!!!!!! that is SO good!!!!!!!!!

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